I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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