It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
