Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
