we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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