i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
