just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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