i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
