Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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