the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
