who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
