Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
