i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
