Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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