Yo dont text me then not text me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
