hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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