i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
