If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
