i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize