Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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