I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
