we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize