Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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