my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
