my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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