You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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