dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
3pm strippers are depressing
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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