My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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