no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
