I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
