No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
