There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
