Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize