I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
