Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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