Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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