Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
