Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
