im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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