Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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