You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
