I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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