She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
