I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
