I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
