I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
