Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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