I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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