his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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