he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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