at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
