So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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