i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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