Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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