life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
