people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
