Got a toothbrush?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
