Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Never joke about your clitoris.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
