Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
