the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
