I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
