i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
