Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
