"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
