Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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