Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize