the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
